Havent posted here lately

Because I havent been very personally inspired. But taking a trip over here and re-reading my own words of positivity helps alot. Im happy I started this blog. I may not keep it up as often as I do the other ones, but hopefully the day will come where i'll have enough sage advice, enough good vibes & enough common sense to apply my own advice in all aspects of my own life.

Sweet & Simple

This post is more for myself because I just feel like I need to express my gratitude for all of the great things going on in my life right now.

I just wanted to say thank you. To God 1st & foremost because without him, there's no telling what kind of situation I would be in. A few months ago, I told Him I would trust in Him and follow His plans as long as everything was safely in His hands. I was scared at first, my job going part time and all. But I had to let go. If I would have panicked and immediately began looking for another job, I would have missed my blessings as far as school goes. Sometimes we have to learn to drop the reigns and let God take over. I stress out. I cry. I get angry. I get discouraged and disappointed. While God sits and shakes his head at me for believing I have the last say so on anything....

Just know that i'm greatful for all of the doors that have been opened for me and I plan on running through them at full speed.

To my gf, I love you and you are the next reason why all of this has been possible for me. Without you as my inspiration and my driving force, my life would be on a completely different path & who knows if it would be a good path or a dead end road. Please know that I take nothing for granted and all of the positivity you have sent my way, I am more than willing & ready to send it all back your way. You are one of the most brilliant, beautiful, hard working women I have ever known and just as doors have blown open for me, God will do the same for you. Im not worried about it at all. I know its all taken care of. I love you so much.

Be Thankful

Keepin it nice & simple today with a timeless message that we've all heard before- Be thankful for what you have because there are many people who are far less fortunate.

I went to church on this past Sunday and my dad preached a message about making it inspite of your circumstances. This hit home in so many ways it wasn't even funny and it made me sit back and put things into perspective. Yes i'm a student who is far beyond tired of school & I often make it known that my brain has had enough and I dont know how much more it can take. Yes i'm a little stressed on how im going to pay for the rest of my education. Yes i pretty much live pay check to pay check. Yes I have bills to pay and credit to clean up. Yes there are things in life I desperately want but can't afford right now.

All of these may seem like valid problems for me, but there are people in the world who would literally kill a family member to be in my shoes. There are women living in countries who don't allow them to be educated, so why am I complaining about being a student? There are students who gave up the dream of college before even graduating high school due to their financial situations, so that makes me blessed for what I have completed so far. Living pay check to pay check may be a struggle, but it's better than not having a pay check at all. Bills and credit are all a part of the territory of being an independent adult who makes daily decisions on how to handle finances. And as far as wanting the finer things in life....as i've blogged about before, good things come to those who wait and WORK for it.

So I am thankful for all I have because I am blessed beyond words.

Find something out about yourself this weekend

It's Friday again. Yayyyy.

I don't know about you, but this has been an extremely long, tiring week for me. I don't know if it's because school is rolling full speed now, right in the middle of the semester. Or dealing with finances. Or what. I'm just exhausted. So this weekend I plan on doing nothing but taking care of my sick girlfriend, writing, and finding out something new about myself.

The playing nurse and writing part will be fairly easy. But discovering something new about myself will require deep introspection that I haven't devoted much time to lately. The something new might be a realization on an issue i've been worrying about, or figuring out something new i'd like to take part in, anything. Just something I don't currently know, that I will know come Monday. You can never know too much about the one person you'll be with for the rest of your life.

Your future is unknown for a reason

Realization- You don't have to be in the know of every single thing. Some things are better off a mystery until they happen. It's called life.


I'm beginning a transition phase in my life right now. I've been in a few before. From high school to college. From a child to a grown woman. And a few others. I typically handle change well and with a surprising amount of calm, cool and collectedness (is that a word? lol).

But I feel as if the older I get, the less easy it is for me to undergo drastic changes. Now i'm only 25. I'd hate to see how i'm gonna be when i'm 50! Anyway, so this new transition involves going from working full time and making decent $, to working part time and going to school full time. I know it's a blessing being handed to me so I can quickly get my degree and start my career, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit terrified. For the past few weeks i've been on edge, wondering, worrying about what my future holds. What's around the corner? Whats going to happen next. I've been stressing over it, crying about it, and doubting myself. I've been a mess.

Yesterday, while talking to myself (see my post on how important it is to converse with yourself), and thinking about some things my girlfriend told me, I told myself to chill out. I am not able to know what will happen a year from now, four years from now or even tomorrow. All I can do is continuing working hard towards what I want out of life and believe in God that he's directing me down the right path. Everything is in his hands and he makes no mistakes. If it was all left up to me, that's when I should be worried.

Just DO it

So currently i'm working on completing college applications so that I may transfer to a four year institution for fall 2009 semester. Along with these college apps comes scholarship apps. Along with the scholarship apps come lengthy essays, gpa verifications, running around getting recommendations from various people, and ridiculous amounts of paper work. Needless to say, I AM TIRED.

Realization: Hard work may not cash out instantly, but it will pay off in the long run.

As i'm dangerously close to running on E with all of this school stuff, added to my job AND classwork, sometimes I have to take a step back and ground myself. With the stress of my future resting on my shoulders, at times I find myself wondering if all of this is worth it. I think about how nice it must feel to just do absolutely nothing. No paperwork. No homework. No job work. Nothing. I think about that and I inhale and exhale slowly, relishing the thought of being a complete slacker. And in that moment, it feels really really good.

But then I snap back into reality and I know that if I wasn't doing something productive with my life, I would feel absolutely pointless. The hard work and dedication towards my education makes me feel good about myself and I value that feeling.

Hard work and determination speaks volumes of someone's character, so if you are doing what you gotta do to better yourself, even if it means milking every minute of your time busting your a** to get the job done.... Just DO it. I won't tell you not to complain, because we're human and we get tired, and we get moody and we want to give up and give in. But think about how much you'll be complaining if you don't do anything and you're stuck in a rut for the rest of your life. Not a pretty picture, is it?

Anything is possible!

If this lesson isn't felt by all in the midst of such a historic moment in time, I don't know what you're waiting for.

Realization: You are your worse enemy.

Only you can stop yourself from achiveing that which you desire to do. I know life deals blows that seem impossible to rebound from, but God puts obstacles directly in our paths in order to test our durability and if a problem becomes too much for you to overcome, it means it's not your time to shine because you aren't fighting back hard enough for it. Press through, battle as if your life depends on it (it just might), reach for what you want, grab it and let nothing shake you loose. If you don't work hard to fulfill your own dreams, who else can you blame but the person you see looking back at you in a mirror?

Talk to yourself. Really, it's okay.

Realization: Sometimes it takes having a conversation with yourself to make sense of it all.

Everyone talks to themselves in one way or another. Some are a little more obvious about it. You know, the people you see walking down the street literally holding a deep conversation with the air. I've seen it hundreds of times and i'll admit to raising my eyebrows at it every time. But sometimes it really does take that. To just sit down (preferably somewhere you can be alone) and work it out amongst yourself. If you feel like you're on the verge of a nervous/mental/emotional breakdown, sit down and talk your way out of it. My catchphrases seem to be "I'm not doin this right now." or "Don't go there, don't do it." I say it to myself a few times and breathe in and out, forcing the tears to go back from where they came so I can keep some sense of outwardly control over myself. It works. So whether the "conversation" is quick and to the point, or if you have to sit and go word for word with yourself, work it out and see if it doesn't help you sort out the madness.

Good things come to those who wait

Realization: Just because you want it right now doesn't mean you can handle it right now.

We always want that which we don't have. I want a million dollars, a car, a nice house, a book deal, and the ability to quit my job right now at this very second and never look back. All of these things may make me the happiest woman this side of the bay, but i'm not getting all of that at this very moment because if I did...who knows what kind of non-responsible, self-destructive, money-blowing slacker I would turn into? lol. In due time and after enough hard work and hustle, i'm sure my dreams will turn into a sweet reality and i'll be wise enough (and sane enough) to appreciate it.

It wasn't meant for us to get everything precisely when we want it. If that were the case, all of us would be head-deep in some mess that we would never be able to recover from. Life is as such that we usually have to EARN what we want by paying our dues and proving ourselves capable of handling the responsibility of our blessings. When I was young I never thought I would be quoting my dad on this, but as he always said

"Having responsibility without first achieving dependability is like having no ability at all."

Think about it.

Being selfish isn't always a bad thing

Realization: It's okay to shut the world out every once in awhile and take care of yourself first.

We are taught as children the value of sharing and being open and friendly, taking care of others before we tend to ourselves. We are taught not to be selfish but instead be selfLESS and give give give because that's where the true beauty is. All of this is true and i'm greatful for any and all lessons learned on the art of being selfless. But once we're all grown up and the real world comes beating down our once parent-protected walls, sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do... for OURSEVLES.

Most of us have jobs/careers, family, friends, enemies, hobbies, school and a multiude of other things on our plates. It may take awhile, but the brain can and will become overwhelmed and shut down, resulting in mental or emotional breakdowns. Then what good will we be to anyone? None whatsoever.

So even if it's just 15 minutes a day, take some time out for yourself and just be. Isolate yourself somewhere where you won't be bothered, plug in your ipod (or not if you just want silence), go for a walk/drive, enjoy a lunch alone, go see a movie, something. Just do it for yourself. Rejuvenate your mind, body and soul so that when it's time for you to be everything for everyone again...you'll be fully charged and ready to go.

Is it life or death? If not...move on.

Okay, so this one is a hard one for me. I'll admit it. I'm a big time worrier, I overthink everything and stress tends to kick my ass at all the wrong times sending me into spirals of tears and snappiness. But it's a new year, i'm 6 months away from being a year older and it's time to set myself straight and start letting things GO.

Realization: Not everything is worth an ulcer, gray hairs and a bucket of tears.

When the pressure starts weighing in and stress starts to creep up on you, making it virtually impossible for you to eat, sleep and think straight, take a mental step back from the issue and stare at it. It sounds wierd because how can you stare at an issue? Trust me, when something is worrying you to death it feels as if it's a living, breathing leach attached to your temples, so treat it as such and mentally detach yourself from it and analyze the situation:

Is it life or death? Will it completely destroy your life and the lives of other people if you don't come to a decision and fix it immediately? Will stressing off of whatever it is make you a better person in the long run, or will nothing change? Are you hurting others by letting the issue consume you? Are you draining energy through negativity? Can you not possibly live life happily without worrying about it?

If the answers to these ?'s show that it's really not worth all of the damage you are doing to your brain and to your soul....let it GO.

Now this doesn't mean you have to become a total slacker and start running away from all of your problems. Just give yourself a break for awhile and tackle the issue in steps, allowing yourself time to mentally deal with everything. You'll come to more thoughtful conclusions and make better decisions if your mind is clear and semi-relaxed. Yes, stress in inevitable. But it doesn't have to be the death of you. But if you don't control it....it will be.

Fall in love with YOU

Realization- Why should someone else love you for who you are if you can barely stand yourself?

Most (if not all) of us love to be in love. It's a great feeling. You know, the whole butterflies in the stomach, head in the clouds thing. Those first couple months of a new relationship really know how to lay on the glossy sheen nice and thick. But infant love never fails to mature, and time also knows how to pile something on thick, but it isn't shiny and tends to smell really bad.

Of course, by nature our heads can't remain in the clouds for years, so reality has to set in on the love and we have to roll with the good and the bad. But when the bad outweighs the good and misery seeps in...it's time to figure out what the true problem is. We like to cast blame on everyone else in sight, not realizing that the root of the problem may very well be buried deep within ourselves. How well have we tended to our own needs? How honest have we been with ourselves? How well are we taking care of our own minds, bodies, and souls? How can you give 100% to someone else if you can't even adequately take care of yourself?

We have to learn how to be our own best friends who know how to seek truth, strive for self-betterment and know the meaning of truly being satisfied with who we are. Once we learn to love ourselves, then we'll be able to focus more attention on being in love with someone else. Until that happens, we'll just continue to waste our own and everyone elses precious time.

Day 1: To thine own self be true

Realization- I am not a perfect person, nor do I ever want to be.

Our mistakes are set in place wayyy before we make them and are meant to act as speed bumps, reminding us to slow down and think before we act. Learning lessons from that which may have not ended so well in our lives is the only way to prevent it from ever happening again. It's very easy to fall into a funk over poor decisions and actions, but that never gets us anywhere besides angry and resentful. Admit to the mistake, forgive yourself first and then genuinely apologize and reach out to those who you may have harmed with your mistake and piece your life back together, one truth and smile at a time.