Your future is unknown for a reason

Realization- You don't have to be in the know of every single thing. Some things are better off a mystery until they happen. It's called life.


I'm beginning a transition phase in my life right now. I've been in a few before. From high school to college. From a child to a grown woman. And a few others. I typically handle change well and with a surprising amount of calm, cool and collectedness (is that a word? lol).

But I feel as if the older I get, the less easy it is for me to undergo drastic changes. Now i'm only 25. I'd hate to see how i'm gonna be when i'm 50! Anyway, so this new transition involves going from working full time and making decent $, to working part time and going to school full time. I know it's a blessing being handed to me so I can quickly get my degree and start my career, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit terrified. For the past few weeks i've been on edge, wondering, worrying about what my future holds. What's around the corner? Whats going to happen next. I've been stressing over it, crying about it, and doubting myself. I've been a mess.

Yesterday, while talking to myself (see my post on how important it is to converse with yourself), and thinking about some things my girlfriend told me, I told myself to chill out. I am not able to know what will happen a year from now, four years from now or even tomorrow. All I can do is continuing working hard towards what I want out of life and believe in God that he's directing me down the right path. Everything is in his hands and he makes no mistakes. If it was all left up to me, that's when I should be worried.

Just DO it

So currently i'm working on completing college applications so that I may transfer to a four year institution for fall 2009 semester. Along with these college apps comes scholarship apps. Along with the scholarship apps come lengthy essays, gpa verifications, running around getting recommendations from various people, and ridiculous amounts of paper work. Needless to say, I AM TIRED.

Realization: Hard work may not cash out instantly, but it will pay off in the long run.

As i'm dangerously close to running on E with all of this school stuff, added to my job AND classwork, sometimes I have to take a step back and ground myself. With the stress of my future resting on my shoulders, at times I find myself wondering if all of this is worth it. I think about how nice it must feel to just do absolutely nothing. No paperwork. No homework. No job work. Nothing. I think about that and I inhale and exhale slowly, relishing the thought of being a complete slacker. And in that moment, it feels really really good.

But then I snap back into reality and I know that if I wasn't doing something productive with my life, I would feel absolutely pointless. The hard work and dedication towards my education makes me feel good about myself and I value that feeling.

Hard work and determination speaks volumes of someone's character, so if you are doing what you gotta do to better yourself, even if it means milking every minute of your time busting your a** to get the job done.... Just DO it. I won't tell you not to complain, because we're human and we get tired, and we get moody and we want to give up and give in. But think about how much you'll be complaining if you don't do anything and you're stuck in a rut for the rest of your life. Not a pretty picture, is it?